Fear

Throughout all the busy-ness of the last few months we've also been dealing with a flare up of anxiety with both Tillman and Grace. Initially, I think Tillman's was triggered with the start of school and the change of routine, and then when a family of kids he was close to left the school he just came apart. Grace's anxiety started when her health class covered the suicide prevention unit - which scared her and she has really struggled since then.

With Grace it got to the point that she would have full-on panic attacks when she had to be apart from Mike and I, especially going to school every day. It's been tough. I've been talking to a lot of people about it, reading, trying to find information. The thing that has amazed me is that just about every person I talk to has also struggled with anxiety. Why it is we are all so afraid? Most of the things that torment us are complete fiction, irrational, overblown, etc.  It doesn't make sense. In my reading I have learned that anxiety is a skyrocketing condition...often accompanied by depression (especially when left untreated). It is such an isolating feeling - and yet almost EVERYONE feels it. Why? And if so many people are dealing with this, why aren't we talking about it more?

A few of my conclusions over the last few months...
In my opinion, anxiety is on of the common (but not necessary) conditions of life in the last days. I absolutely think that the adversary is hard at work planting seeds of fear. And why not? It's a very clever strategy to spiritually / mentally and physically paralyze good people with worry and fear. It's a great way to make them ineffective as influences for good.  The thought occurred to me that it is a fulfillment of the prophecy in scripture:

And all things shall be in commotion; and surely, men's hearts shall fail them; for fear shall come upon all people. (D&C 88:91)

I'd always only thought of this in connection with wars and natural disasters and such ("real threats" to us) -- but the scripture came to mind the other morning as I pondered why so many of us are afraid. I think anxiety is the most common meaning of the phrase "men's hearts shall fail them" - and the crazy thing is, that our fears are often for seemingly NO REASON. With anxiety there is almost never a rational object; people become obsessively afraid of the silliest things. This tells me a few things: #1. Our actual circumstances in this life really are irrelevant to our happiness. #2. Satan is the source of fear.

When you get right down to it, there is literally NOTHING we need to be afraid of in life. Because of Christ we are all secure and safe as we choose to accept his atonement. When he says his burden is light, we can believe it. Since our circumstances are independent of our happiness or unhappiness, we can also be free of fear or worry in the darkness of actual hardships in life. We are free.

So...it comes down to changing our thoughts. A friend of mine posted this NPR article the other day that I thought was helpful. How can we change habits of thought that may be generational, and even overcome some of the genetics of fear? I think one of the best things we can do is just get it out in the light of day. Speaking for myself, I know the isolation of anxiety and depression - that feeling like you're the only one...it feeds that lie that your situation is hopeless. Finding ways to change the thought cycle - helpful therapies, getting to the root of the destructive or negative thoughts, talking to someone often...all these things can completely change a person's experience.

I see anxiety as a distortion. It's like looking through a dimming and blurry lens - what you see through it is probably wrong, but until someone helps you adjust the lens you would swear that what you see is real.

Watching Grace and Tillman work through these things has actually been enlightening to me. I recognize destructive things that I sometimes do --- I can recognize it for what it is when I see it in them, and I realize that I've made the same mistakes in my thinking. It's been a revelation.

This is something I want to understand. I am hoping to find insight at General Conference this coming weekend. We're trying to come at this from all angles: from the gospel, scientific medicine, witch-doctoring (j/k - our family euphemism for anything alternative), exercise, diet, to a kick in the butt (also j/k -- but sometimes in the middle of a panic attach I've been known to do a little tough-mothering). If anxiety is a tool that Satan uses, I also think the Lord will provide a way for people to see more clearly. Anyway, we're learning a lot.