Right Back At IT

January is kind of a tough month. December is disorienting because everything that is routine gets put on hold while we celebrate. I love that. But somehow I can't seem to get my bearings again for a while when January starts. Our first week back after the holiday we had a lot of things come our way: the start of school, parent teacher conference, end of the quarter,  Noble started Snowblitz (an after school ski and snowboard program), Jessie flew out for the Western National Roundup (horse bowl national competition) in Denver, Mike flew to meet his brothers for a weekend ski trip, and we celebrated Tillman's 12th birthday, which included his receiving the priesthood, and being ordained as a deacon.  And I got sick at the most inconvenient time - when all my backups were out of town and everything was depending on me. We made it through. (Thanks to my sister Beth who answered Mike's text to look in on me. She hung out most of the day last Saturday folding laundry, bringing me lunch and taking care of the kids. I love my sisters!)

Abner trying out Noble's ride.

Utah's Horse Bowl Team at the Western National Roundup in Denver. They finished 9th overall out of around 30 teams. Jessie is still bitter at team Mississippi for knocking them out of the second round with one answer.

The Melton boys at Brian Head. They had an awesome couple of days together.

Mike tearing it up. Later he dislocated his thumb when he collided with an unseen obstacle under the snow and took a tumble. Ouch.

And suddenly he's 12!! Tillman eagerly waiting to blow out the  single candle on his cake and open his presents. We had family over later on Sunday after the ordination (which was awesome) at church to celebrate January birthdays with pizza, cookies and an FHE lesson about the priesthood. I should have snapped a picture or two.

And finally, to get you psyched up for the new year, here's a picture of Abner doing his thing...CONFIDENT and DETERMINED. I  need this picture hanging on my bathroom mirror. Make today, this year... AWESOME!!

Fear

Throughout all the busy-ness of the last few months we've also been dealing with a flare up of anxiety with both Tillman and Grace. Initially, I think Tillman's was triggered with the start of school and the change of routine, and then when a family of kids he was close to left the school he just came apart. Grace's anxiety started when her health class covered the suicide prevention unit - which scared her and she has really struggled since then.

With Grace it got to the point that she would have full-on panic attacks when she had to be apart from Mike and I, especially going to school every day. It's been tough. I've been talking to a lot of people about it, reading, trying to find information. The thing that has amazed me is that just about every person I talk to has also struggled with anxiety. Why it is we are all so afraid? Most of the things that torment us are complete fiction, irrational, overblown, etc.  It doesn't make sense. In my reading I have learned that anxiety is a skyrocketing condition...often accompanied by depression (especially when left untreated). It is such an isolating feeling - and yet almost EVERYONE feels it. Why? And if so many people are dealing with this, why aren't we talking about it more?

A few of my conclusions over the last few months...
In my opinion, anxiety is on of the common (but not necessary) conditions of life in the last days. I absolutely think that the adversary is hard at work planting seeds of fear. And why not? It's a very clever strategy to spiritually / mentally and physically paralyze good people with worry and fear. It's a great way to make them ineffective as influences for good.  The thought occurred to me that it is a fulfillment of the prophecy in scripture:

And all things shall be in commotion; and surely, men's hearts shall fail them; for fear shall come upon all people. (D&C 88:91)

I'd always only thought of this in connection with wars and natural disasters and such ("real threats" to us) -- but the scripture came to mind the other morning as I pondered why so many of us are afraid. I think anxiety is the most common meaning of the phrase "men's hearts shall fail them" - and the crazy thing is, that our fears are often for seemingly NO REASON. With anxiety there is almost never a rational object; people become obsessively afraid of the silliest things. This tells me a few things: #1. Our actual circumstances in this life really are irrelevant to our happiness. #2. Satan is the source of fear.

When you get right down to it, there is literally NOTHING we need to be afraid of in life. Because of Christ we are all secure and safe as we choose to accept his atonement. When he says his burden is light, we can believe it. Since our circumstances are independent of our happiness or unhappiness, we can also be free of fear or worry in the darkness of actual hardships in life. We are free.

So...it comes down to changing our thoughts. A friend of mine posted this NPR article the other day that I thought was helpful. How can we change habits of thought that may be generational, and even overcome some of the genetics of fear? I think one of the best things we can do is just get it out in the light of day. Speaking for myself, I know the isolation of anxiety and depression - that feeling like you're the only one...it feeds that lie that your situation is hopeless. Finding ways to change the thought cycle - helpful therapies, getting to the root of the destructive or negative thoughts, talking to someone often...all these things can completely change a person's experience.

I see anxiety as a distortion. It's like looking through a dimming and blurry lens - what you see through it is probably wrong, but until someone helps you adjust the lens you would swear that what you see is real.

Watching Grace and Tillman work through these things has actually been enlightening to me. I recognize destructive things that I sometimes do --- I can recognize it for what it is when I see it in them, and I realize that I've made the same mistakes in my thinking. It's been a revelation.

This is something I want to understand. I am hoping to find insight at General Conference this coming weekend. We're trying to come at this from all angles: from the gospel, scientific medicine, witch-doctoring (j/k - our family euphemism for anything alternative), exercise, diet, to a kick in the butt (also j/k -- but sometimes in the middle of a panic attach I've been known to do a little tough-mothering). If anxiety is a tool that Satan uses, I also think the Lord will provide a way for people to see more clearly. Anyway, we're learning a lot.

Living in the Moment

I wish we could keep these two just like this forever. Every day is a magical adventure with the Super A and Super S. ("Together, we save the galaxy! Super Kids!!!")

One thing on my list of things to accomplish over the Christmas break was to take the older kids over to the Family Search Library in Riverton for some extra help with descendancy research. Here are the fruits of our hour of research.

Tillman left with a burning desire to do more Family History research, so Mike helped him set up his own account and he has been digging in. He went with Grandma Ilean one afternoon for another visit - where he connected a missing child to his family, and printed out the card for temple work. I am telling you, the youth of this church are hastening the work in ways I never imagined.

This year a funny thing happened to me as I packed away the Christmas decorations. I cried. Usually by the time January rolls around, I am ready to pack things up, get back to our routine. But this year as I went to unplug the Christmas village I found myself taking another long look at it. As I took decorations off the tree (especially the ones the kids have made or brought home over the years) I could not hold back the tears. I found myself sadly humming "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas".  I know that sounds like the sappiest thing you've ever heard. It all seemed kind of silly to me too, and I wondered why I was feeling this way. I concluded that it must be because I hated to see this Christmas end after the special experiences of love and service we've had this year. I also have to admit that some of my sadness came from knowing that we only have a few more Christmases with all our kids living at home. This makes my heart ache.

Tillman officially graduated from the Cub Scout program. He earned his Webelos badge and Arrow of Light last month and this month got to sign the ceremonial bridge, and become an 11 year old scout.

Mike and Tillman in their Alabama crimson -- supporting the ancestral alma mater. Unfortunately, the Tide was knocked out of the tournament. They are rooting for the Ducks in the championship now. 

You may have heard that a fence is going up for River. Jupiter the Space Donkey got by with an invisible fence, but we needed something more concrete for the next generation. So, getting a family dog just got a LOT more expensive. *sigh*

In reality, a backyard fence is something we probably needed to do anyway...safety, privacy, liability. And since we believe in making people really EARN their money, we waited till January to get them started. (I kind of felt bad about those guys digging post holes all day in the cold.)

Sully watches the BBC Walking with Dinosaurs documentaries at least three times a week. So, for Christmas Sully and Abner got tickets to the Walking with Dinosaurs arena show.
It was really amazing. Also amazing was the fact that Sully would rattle off the names of each of the dinosaurs as they came out before the host ever got a chance to say anything. Sully: "Oh! There's Ornithocheirus!"  And then the host would say, "this is Ornithocheirus..." We thought it was pretty funny. :)

Let's just say that the boys had a fantastic night, especially Sully.
Here's a little taste of the action.

Walking with Dinosuars from Angie Melton on Vimeo.

Change Keeps You on Your Toes

Hi again. It's a been a while.
As I lay in bed last night at the end of another busy day I thought about updating the blog, and then thought something like,"No rush --- no one's holding their breath waiting for our latest news." But then I thought, "If I don't write it down we won't remember these things. I need to update it." I will try to be better about keeping a record.

The past few weeks there's been a familiar change in the air. My locust tree out the front window has started to turn gold. It's a little taller than last year, like my kids (a LOT taller in Noble's case). With the change in the season this year have come a few other important changes.

Speaking of the change of the season...

We took a breakfast hike up Yellowfork. River loved it! (He loved it so much he got giardia  from the stream he was drinking from. No kidding. He spent 2 full days the next week throwing up and having diarrhea. The vet helped got him back on track... G.I. track. Now we know that a young puppy's stomach is considerably less resilient than older dogs. Live and learn. 

Sully enraptured by nature.  He kept yelling stuff like: "Nature is waiting! I feel the nature!! There's so much nature just waiting for us! Wow! Nature is getting so awesome!" 

Abner with his "mustache stick"

Big Change #1.
Four of our kids started at the new Montessori charter school near our home. Everyone has been over the moon about it. The method, the atmosphere, the new friends, the gourmet lunches...

Everyone, that is, but Tillman.

We didn't make the decision to change schools lightly. We had been involved with our old school for 10 years, but felt in the last few years that things were changing. When the option of enrolling at this Montessori school presented itself in the spring we thought a lot about it, prayed and felt right about it.

We knew it would be really different for all the kids. And we knew that Tillman is the one that has struggled the most with change in the past. When we moved to this house Tillman cried every day for weeks, and begged us to move back to our old house. Eventually he got over it.
Tillman is also a kid who likes to have every detail laid out. He wants to know exactly what to expect. So we knew it would be an adjustment for him. We just didn't understand how MUCH of an adjustment. A few days in he started to complain that it wasn't like his old school, that he didn't know the kids. (It didn't help that he and Grace and Sully had to miss the first day of school because they had strep.)  Day by day he escalated the situation. He went from whining about it after school, to crying in the bathroom at school, to calling home sick, to leaving school without telling anyone and walking the 2 miles home across Bangerter Highway.

That was a nightmare day for me. Luckily he wasn't hurt, luckily the police were not involved, luckily everyone was able to get in touch and I found him by chance before they were able to ,get a hold of me by phone (I would have freaked out). Lucky all around.

After asking him (in a very loud voice, I'll admit) what on earth had happened that would cause him to leave school like that (and hearing the same stuff: "it's different from my old school, I don't like it, I don't know the kids", etc.), I made it clear that that kind of stunt was COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. Then I drove him back to school, had him apologize to the director and his teacher, and checked him back in for the rest of the day.

The thing with Tillman is, he has a stubborn streak sometimes, so this has been exhausting. He gets into a panic cycle and then there's no stopping him until he finds a way to reboot. He needs to change the way he thinks about it...but he is unwilling. He has let his anxiety grow beyond any reasonable response to the point of desperation. His siblings are totally confused by the whole thing. I've heard them shushing him in frustration when he starts to get anxious, afraid that he'll spoil everything for them in their new-found Shangri-la.

He insisted that if we let him switch to a classroom where he knew a couple of kids he would be fine. After a series of meetings with his long-suffering teacher, the director and the school counselor we agreed to change him to a different class (not the one he wanted), and made it clear that if he chose to switch classes he was responsible to make it work. He agreed, and chose the new classroom. At first it seemed to be the reset button he needed for his negative thought cycle. Since then it's been mostly better, but we've had a few tough days lately. So we will keep on working with him. I don't know that there's a magic approach that will make him want to change his attitude, but I sure hope he figures it out soon.
That kid. We have been learning a lot about him in the process. We are also learning a lot about agency.
That was a long story.

Big Change #2.
Jessie comes of age.

 Jessie started high school, got asked to Homecoming, turned 16 and got her driver's license all in less than a month (and our auto insurance doubled).  BIG changes.

Her friend from the neighborhood (son of Kris Kemp - for those of you who share my history) dressed up like Napoleon Dynamite, his little brother dressed up like Pedro - they pedaled over with Napoleon on the pegs to give Jessie a delicious pie and this drawing of Jessie. "There's a lot more where this came from if you'll go with me to Homecoming." And then rode away again. It was classic.

Her 16th birthday was magic. A few days before the big day one of her friends texted me and wanted to set up a surprise birthday party. I kept her occupied that day with a pedicure (her first!), and later that night Mike and I took her to dinner at India Palace while the invited guests arrived at the house and set up for the surprise. She claims she had no idea, but I'm not so sure.

On Sunday (her actual birthday) we thought we would just have a quiet family dinner and invited the grandparents over for cake after. Didn't turn out that way. Her good friend from next door filled her bedroom with balloons while we were at church and then brought over this DELUXE Captain America (Jessie's favorite super hero) cake. W-O-W! 

Earlier in the day we had been looking at old scrapbooks, and we were laughing about how when Jess was little every member of our families came to every birthday party (a consequence of being the oldest and only grandchild/niece for many years), and how that was definitely a thing of the past. When it came time for cake that evening however, along with both sets of grandparents, a steady stream of Sullivan family (all 5 of my siblings and their kids) filed through the door. They all happened to be over at Sullivan's before that and so they came to wish the birthday girl many happy returns. What fun!

Big Change #3.
Noble's big reveal.

Noble got his braces off last week. He was actually supposed to have gotten them off almost 2 weeks before that but some how we totally spaced the appointment. We have to be the first people in the history of braces to actually forget about the appointment where you get them OFF.  Unprecedented.
He can't stop smiling.

 Big Change #4.
Mike has a doppelganger!

Mike has River trained to sit, stay and come. Pretty good for a 10 week old. So far however, the potty training is largely unsuccessful, and he barks a lot, and has started something called puppy nipping (a  normal phase where a puppy tests his place in the pack by challenging everyone). We are working with him to nip it in the bud...more nipping. ha ha ha.
But the thing is, it scares the kids - and makes me frustrated. Why did we need a dog?
At least he's cute. Both of them.

Moments at Home

I know that my mom will be mortified that the cat is allowed to sit on the office desk. But isn't she sweet there with the kids' Easter window decorations in the background, surveying the street? (Mom, I am telling you she is a calming influence. You should let Smudge in more. It would be good for your stress levels...ha ha ha.)

Patrick the hamster and Pluto the cat... regarding one another.

General Conference

Hair cuts (long over-due) after Saturday sessions. Before (still happy).

After (mad as heck...note the tear on this right cheek). Jessie performed a valiant service, holding him still while I clipped his long locks.

Abner later got over his angst...Tillman not so much. (He was still mad that I clipped his hair too short to sculpt into spikes and faux-hocks and other trending coiffures. Sorry dude. It will grow.)

The mood swings so exhausted Abner that he crashed soon after.

Abner kickin' it with his bff. As wild and crazy as he is, how is it that he gets along best with such a sweet little girl? And how is it that she has such a good time with him? Life is full of mysteries. Like how he sits perfectly still and calm and listens intently while she sings her dramatic toddler rendition of "Let it Go". Abner, who wouldn't sit through that movie for any type of bribery.  My only explanation is that men and women were meant to compliment each other. Here's proof.

The Boys in Dixie

Mike had the genius idea of taking the oldest 2 boys down to St. George a few weeks ago for a little guy bonding. He drove them down the weekend before their spring break. They did some long boarding and spent a day hiking in Zion before Mike headed home that Sunday, leaving them with Grandma and Grandpa for a week of mano a mano...or should I say dos a dos?

This picture almost made my heart stop...no matter how many times Mike assured me they were perfectly safe.

Mike doing a DP commercial atop Angel's Landing (Photo Cred: Tim Melton)

After Mike left, Howard and Tim (so glad Tim drove up from Vegas to spend that time with them!) kept the boys busy with multiple trips to the fishing pond up the hill (and subsequent fish-fry's), outings to the rec. center pool, shuttling the boys to the top of the their preferred long-boarding hill again and again, and up to Sand Hollow.

Tillman's face is priceless in this one

 Grandma kept them well fed as always and entertained around the house with Kinex. Here they are with a few of their creations.

We missed the boys while they were gone, but I have to admit that the house was a whole lot quieter.

On Friday we drove down as a family to get the boys. We spent a couple of days chillin' in the beautiful weather. We went out to Sand Hollow on Saturday, climbed around the rocks and had a leisurely day in the sand and the sun.

Screen shot from Jessie's Instagram  of the day.

We drove home Sunday morning, in time to make it back for our ward conference...and for Angie to teach her Primary class.

Thanks again Howard and Jacque! The boys had a week that they will always remember!

It's a New Year

We are safely past mid-winter, and though there is technically more daylight every day, it can certainly seem like the dreariest part of the year. But we're keeping things interesting.

During the Christmas / New Year's break:

* I finally painted the basement kitchen area.

Still getting used to the color. I don't know, but I think once we get the white kitchen cabinets that I want up, it should look pretty good. (crossing my fingers)

 * We went down to the BYU MOA to see the exhibit, "Sacred Gifts" - paintings from the life of the Savior by Carl Bloch and several other artists. We met my brother Casey and his family.

It was a beautiful exhibit! I liked it as much or more than the Carl Bloch exhibit we attended a few years ago down there. There was one particular painting by Frans Schwartz that I had never seen before right at the entrance of the exhibit, and which is now one of my favorites. It is on loan from a church in Denmark.

It is very impressive.

"Agony in the Garden" - Frans Schwartz - 1898

* We hosted Jessie's basketball team at the house for a party. The older kids went to their friends houses for a late night, and the BHS lady Sophomore basketball team took over the basement. Good times.

* New Year's was, as usual, a long night for Mike and I. I have never been a big fan of staying up just to watch the clock tick into a new calendar year.  #1. I value my sleep. #2. I don't particularly love going out partying, especially late into the night... waiting for the clock to strike 12. (See #1.)  For these reasons New Year's usually passes without much fan fair around here. It was actually a bit of a relief when our kids were old enough to want to have their own get-together's with friends on New Years...it took the pressure off of me to have big plans. I had to be at home to keep tabs on the kids. So this year the little brothers went to bed, J. went to the big multi-stake dance with friends, Noble and his gang roved back and forth between houses...mostly ours...playing ping pong, Xbox, foraging goodies, etc., Grace went to the neighbor's,and Tillman hung out with Mike and I. We watched a Nova documentary on Amazon Prime, and dozed off to sleep on the couch about 10 PM. We woke up later to make sure everyone was home, and to send stragglers to their own homes...and, of course, listen to Jessie's enthusiastic retelling of her highlights from the dance.  :)    Happy New Year!

* We had a death in the family. Poor Grace. Her little hamster, Mars, passed away a few days after the new year. We don't know why. Grace was devastated and asked questions about animals going to heaven, and resurrection, etc. We reassured her that animals would not be forgotten.

We also tried to comfort her by explaining that her hamster was "guaranteed"... so we could go pick out a new one at the pet store. That helped a little, but she was really concerned about remembering Mars, and wanted to bury him in the yard. This led to an awkward explanation about how the pet store would require us to bring the body back (good thing I kept the box they sent him home in) in order to get a new hamster. 

So we boxed up little Mars and drove to the pet store. 

Grace absorbed in her sorrow.

Once she had been reassured by the pet store staff that his body would be respectfully disposed of, she started the happier work of picking out a new hamster. Her face lit up when she considered the candidates. She chose a big, gentle, red-haired guy and named him St. Patrick. We signed the papers and brought him home.

Picking out Patrick

He has his own wing of the laundry room, where he is secluded from some of the noise of the house and the cat...and where it's always nice and cozy warm. (The pet store guy speculated that Mars may have become over-stressed with lots of action and noise all around him...which was certainly the case at our house over the holiday.) So far so good. Grace loves him so much. 

As a side note, when we got him home, Mike teasingly asked Grace which hamster she loved more, Mars or Patrick. She gave him a disgusted look and said, "That's like asking which of your children you love more!" Mike, with his quick wit, jumped on that, "Go ahead, ask me which child I love the most." 

Grace: "Who do you love the most?"
Mike: "Tillman." 

Tillman, who was sitting there at the counter, minding his own business, eating a bowl of cereal, totally removed from the conversation, almost choked on his food, and Grace and I doubled over, as we all burst into histerical laughter. ha ha ha ha

Touche' Mike! 

As usual, perfect comedic timing. 

(In case you are worried that our kids' psyches have been damaged, Mike afterward assured Grace and Tillman that he has no favorites.) 

* We had a birth in the family! Mike's younger brother and his wife welcomed their first child. He came a few months early and will have to stay at the hospital for a while to get stronger. But he looks like he is doing better every day. I know it has been a scary beginning for Gary and Val. We wish we could be closer and do more. We love them. And we LOVE, LOVE baby Paxon. Can't wait to meet him in person.

Grandma Jacque and her newest grandbaby. This just makes me smile.

* Speaking of birthdays...Tillman marked a decade here on earth. Wow. Can you believe that?

It was a really busy day (school, piano lessons, pack meeting), but we broke away so we could come home and celebrate. Happy birthday Tillman! I am forever grateful that you came to us when you did. I love you!

With his standard cherry pie instead of cake.

That about covers things for our household for the past few weeks. 

I hope it's been a good start to the new year for all of you!